雅思写作的完成，不是结尾段，而是检查，是自我批改和找他人批改，唯此写作才可精进。下面是小编为大家整理收集的关于雅思大作文批改实录：犯罪增多何解的相关内容，希望对大家有所帮助。
题目
Now there are more and more crimes all over the world. What are the causes? How to solve the problem?
学生习作
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of crime all over the world although the police have devoted to fighting crime for a long time. In the past, the criminals murdered ,robbed and stole. However , they commit economic crime through the internet now. From my perspective, several reasons probably lead to the rising amount of crime. Simultaneously, a series of solutions can be used to solve the problems.
The first cause is that many games or programmes which contain plenty of violence are available on the Internet or on Television. For example, a game called Grand Theft Auto is about robbing cards or banks and players even can kill pedestrians who just talk with their friends. Such a bloody and violent game has not been banned by the global governments. As a result, it is not strange that so many teenagers become criminals just by mimicking the scene in the games or movies. Governments must strengthen the check of movies in order to reduce the opportunities that may motivate kids to commit a crime.
Secondly, people who are not well educated are more likely to commit a crime including robbing and stealing just for living. They have no choice but stealing because they do not learn a skill which can help them find jobs in the society. It is high time for government to take action and solve this problem. By publicizing the law through the media, people will be afraid of committing a crime. This is one part of the solution while the other part is teaching them skills to help them earn a living.
To sum up, I firmly believe that through these methods, the society will become more peaceful in the future.
评分：6.5
整体评价：总体来说，写得比较通顺。内容切题，原因分析有道理，而且论证也比较充分。句子写作相当正确，词汇也能表达自己的意思。影响得分的问题：(1)个别地方表达比较别扭，(2)个别地方的逻辑存在一定问题，(3)结尾过于仓促，没有对前文进行恰当总结。
建议：(1)多练习如何结尾(如何总结前文要点，同时又不与第一段的表达重复);(2)继续保持目前的句子写作水平，在语法不错、句意清楚的前提下尽量注意表达的地道程度(当然，这个过程不会一蹴而就的，需要慢慢积累)。只要按照目前的水平写下去，多写几篇，应该就能维持在6-6.5分。若想冲击7分段，需要积累更多语言表达手段。建议你按照目前的样子先考试，多练习，改正一些局部错误。冲击7分段放在下一阶段，不要盲目使用大词或者长句子，写错了反而弄巧成拙。
逐句修订及说明
第1段
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of crime all over the world although the police have devoted to fighting crime for a long time. In the past, the criminals murdered ,robbed and stole. However , they commit economic crime through the internet now. From my perspective, several reasons probably lead to the rising amount of crime. Simultaneously, a series of solutions can be used to solve the problems.
老雅修改
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of crime all over the world although the police have made greater efforts to fight crime. Now there are not only people who murder, rob or steal, but also people who commit economic crime online. There are, of course, many reasons for this negative development, but from my perspective, two of them are probably the most immediate ones. Accordingly, we can take measures to solve the problem.
评改说明
(1) devote 的正确用法是：devote oneself to doing... / be devoted to doing..., 比如：
The government has devoted itself to solving the traffic problem.
The government has been devoted to solving the traffic problem.
(2) 原文(2)、(3)两句是来论证第一句“世界上犯罪数量在增加”这个观点的，语言错误并不大，但给人的感觉好像是在比较过去和现在有不同类型的犯罪，这显然与前文脱节了。修改文删除了原文中比较的意味，表达出现在犯罪的花样越来越多，这就与第一句的观点吻合了。
(3) 原文several reasons是虚指，按照后文，仅提供了两个原因，因此，这里要明确，就是两个原因。在第一段结尾时，尽量明确，这样全文的结构才能清楚。
(4) Simultaneously 是汉语的“同时”吧?但这里，其实就是“相应地”的意思，英文应该是accordingly。
第2段
The first cause is that many games or programmes which contain plenty of violence are available on the Internet or on Television. For example, a game called Grand Theft Auto is about robbing cards or banks and players even can kill pedestrians who just talk with their friends. Such a bloody and violent game has not been banned by the global governments. As a result, it is not strange that so many teenagers become criminals just by mimicking the scene in the games or movies. Governments must strengthen the check of movies in order to reduce the opportunities that may motivate kids to commit a crime.
老雅修改
The first reason is that many computer games or movies containing violence are available on the Internet or television. For example, a game called Grand Theft Auto is about robbing cars or banks and the players even can kill pedestrians talking with their friends. Such a bloody and violent game has not been banned by the local governments. As a result, many teenagers become criminals just by mimicking the scenes in the games or movies. In this case, governments should be more responsible when censoring such games and movies in order to reduce the opportunities for kids to commit any crime.
评改说明
本段写得比较成功，修改较小。其中，governments must strengthen the check of movies, 表达不是很地道，修改为governments should be more responsible when censoring such games and movies.
第3段
Secondly, people who are not well educated are more likely to commit a crime including robbing and stealing just for living. They have no choice but stealing because they do not learn a skill which can help them find jobs in the society. It is high time for government to take action and solve this problem. By publicizing the law through the media, people will be afraid of committing a crime. This is one part of the solution while the other part is teaching them skills to help them earn a living.
老雅修改
Secondly, people who have not received good education are more likely to commit a crime such as robbing and stealing just for a living. They have no choice because they do not learn a skill which can help them find jobs. For this kind of people, government ought to, one the one hand, tell them that anyone who commits crimes will be punished, and on the other hand create opportunities for them to learn some survival skills to earn a living.
评改说明
(1) include是列举完所有内容时使用，such as是举例。比如：
There are three members in my family, including my dad, mom and me.
People commit all kinds of crimes such as stealing, robbing and murder.
(2) 本段讲教育程度低的人可能犯罪，但是你提到的第一个建议居然是给这些人宣传法律让他们害怕犯罪，这个建议似乎不太符合逻辑，应该紧紧围绕提高他们的教育水平，交给他们生存技能来提建议。这里的问题是思维逻辑方面的(虽然不算大错误，但可能会影响得分)
(3) 本段最后一句的表达不太地道。如果需要提出两个方面的建议，可以使用we can do...on the one hand, and do...on the other hand这个句型结构(请参考老雅的修改)
第4段
To sum up, I firmly believe that through these methods, the society will become more peaceful in the future.
老雅修改
To sum up, what is responsible for the increasing number of crimes includes the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty. If government takes effective measures to change the situation, I firmly believe the world will become more peaceful in the future.
修改说明
原文结尾过于仓促，没有对原文进行恰当的总结。请参考老雅修改文如何总结前面内容的。也可以使用如下句型：
To sum up, the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty contribute to the increasing number of crimes.
To sum up, the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty are the two major factors behind the increasing number of crimes.
To sum up, the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty are the two reasons why there are more and more crimes today.
修改后全文如下。请通读，并对照原文，看看老雅的修改文在词句表达方面如何更准确，清晰?结尾如何总结全文内容的?
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of crime all over the world although the police have made greater efforts to fight crime. Now there are not only people who murder, rob or steal, but also people who commit economic crime online. There are, of course, many reasons for this negative development, but from my perspective, two of them are probably the most immediate ones. Accordingly, we can take measures to solve the problem.
The first reason is that many computer games or movies containing violence are available on the Internet or television. For example, a game called Grand Theft Auto is about robbing cars or banks and the players even can kill pedestrians talking with their friends. Such a bloody and violent game has not been banned by the local governments. As a result, many teenagers become criminals just by mimicking the scenes in the games or movies. In this case, governments should be more responsible when censoring such games and movies in order to reduce the opportunities for kids to commit any crime.
Secondly, people who have not received good education are more likely to commit a crime such as robbing and stealing just for a living. They have no choice because they do not learn a skill which can help them find jobs. For this kind of people, government ought to, one the one hand, tell them that anyone who commits crimes will be punished, and on the other hand create opportunities for them to learn some survival skills to earn a living.
To sum up, what is responsible for the increasing number of crimes includes the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty. If government takes effective measures to change the situation, I firmly believe the world will become more peaceful in the future.
评分：7.5