爆笑的英语笑话故事

时间：2020-11-19 14:30:24 英语笑话我要投稿

爆笑的英语笑话故事

　　1、Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.

爆笑的英语笑话故事

　　从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。

　　2、A person with six children or a person with $6 million, who is better satisfied? Why?

　　一个有六个孩子的人和一个有600万美元的人，谁更满足?为什么?

　　The person with six children of course. Because the one with $6 million wants more.

　　当然是有六个孩子的那个，因为有600万美元那个还想要得更多。

　　3、Talking clock

　　会说话的钟

　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den(私室，贼窝) . What is the big brass gong(锣) and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. How's it work?

　　一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?他的一个朋友问他。那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟，学生回答。这钟怎么工作的，他的朋友问。

　　Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!

　　看着，别眨眼了，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，别敲了，你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!

　　4、Gardening Glove

　　园艺手套

　　For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you'll notice that my hands are bare."

　　几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物，我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”

　　Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped(打开) a new pair of gardening glove.

　　那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物，“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。

　　5、My father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. At a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.

　　我爸比我妈大14岁，最近一直在写遗嘱。一次家宴上，他告诉我们说他为母亲以后的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的话，家里的房子将归我们五个孩子所有。

　　"I don't want another S.O.B. toasting his shins(小腿骨) around my fireplace," he explained.

　　“我可不愿意另外哪个狗娘养的在我的.火炉旁烤他的狗腿，”他解释道。

　　With a sly grin, Mother cracked, "What makes you think I'd marry another S.O.B?"

　　妈妈狡猾地咧了咧嘴，讥诮道：“你怎么认为我会再嫁给一个狗娘养的?”

　　6、Three competing store owners rented adjoining(毗连的) shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem(故意的伤害罪，蓄意的破坏) to ensue.

　　三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺，旁观者等着瞧好戏。

　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!

　　右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：大减价!特便宜!

　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!

　　左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!

　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.

　　中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：入口处。

　　7、A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.

　　一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。那人哭着说：刚才医生告诉我，在我的余生里都要吃这些药片。

　　Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.

　　他的朋友很轻松地指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。当然，男人回答说：但是他只给了我十片。

　　8、Creative

　　创造性

　　Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications(资格证书，职位要求) . Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.

　　第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。

　　I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.

　　我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。

　　9、There was a small boy who had been given a little terrier for his very own, on which he bestowed the name of Paddy, and loved mightily. He was very saddened by the fact that he could not take his pet away with him on his holidays, which he was spending with some relatives in the country.

　　从前有一个小男孩，他得到了一条完全属于他自己的小猎狗。他给小狗取名帕蒂，对它宠爱万分。他要到乡下一些亲戚家去度假，可又不能带上他的宠物，为此他很伤心。

　　Whilst he was away Paddy's young life was cut short by an unfortunate adventure with a motor. The boy's mother feared he would take the news very hardly on his return,she broke it very gently,therefore, and was rather surprised that the little lad did not seem much perturbed. Later, however, she heard him weeping lustily in his bed. He was inarticulate with grief, but his brother explained that he was cryingabout Paddy.

　　他不在家的时候，帕蒂在一次不幸的车祸中失去了年轻的生命。男孩的母亲怕他回家时听到这个消息太难过;因此她相当小心地把这个消息透露给他，而颇为令人惊讶的是小伙子看起来并不怎么在意。可是，后来她听见他在床上哭得死去活来。他伤心得说不出话来，但是他的哥哥解释说他在为帕蒂痛哭。

　　But, said the mother, I told him about it this morning, and he did not seem to mind!

　　可是，这位母亲说：我今天早晨告诉他了，他好像根本不在乎啊!

　　The brother explained, yes, but he thought you said Daddy.

　　他哥哥解释说：是的，可他以为你说的是爸爸。

　　10、What's your name?

　　你叫什么名字?

　　A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone, and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble. Don't try any tricks with me, and then we'll get on well together

　　有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵，于是他开始自我介绍：我的名字叫Stone(石头)，事实上，我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招，这样我们就能很好相处了。

　　Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name. Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly, he said, and don't forget to call me 'sir'.

　　接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。说大声点，让每个人都能听清楚。另外，不要忘记称呼我为长官。他说。

　　Each soldier told him his name, unitl he came to the last one. This man remained silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at him, When I ask you a question, answer it! I'll ask you again: What's you name, soldier?

　　每个士兵都对他说了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前时，这个士兵保持着沉默。于是Stone队长对他喊叫，当我问你问题的时候，要回答!我再问一遍，你的名字，士兵?

　　The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied. My name is Stonebreaker, sir. He said nervously.

　　那个新兵很不高兴，但最后他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石机)，长官。他紧张的说

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