最新爆笑英语笑话大全
I Am Going to Shop 我要去购物啦
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
我帮来购物的女士包好东西后，问道：“是付现金、支票还是记账呢?” 当她找钱包的时候，我注意到她的包包里竟放着一个电视遥控器。
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
我问：“你一直都随身带电视遥控器的吗?”
“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”
她回答说：“不是啦。但我老公不乐意跟我一起来购物，所以我决定拿走他的遥控器来惩罚他。”
At a Department Store 在百货商店里
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”
一个结巴壮汉走进一家百货公司问柜员：“男……男装部在……在哪儿?”
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
柜台后的柜员看着他不搭话。
The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.
那男人又重复道：“男装……装部在……在哪儿?”柜员还是不理他。
The guy asks several more times, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.
壮汉问了好几遍柜员依旧如故。最后，壮汉气冲冲地走了。
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s questions?”
排在后面的顾客问那个柜员：“你怎么不答人家话呀?”
The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”
柜员说：“你……你觉着我……我想找打……打是吧!?”
冰箱里的储蓄罐
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
我表妹总是从她哥哥的小猪扑满里“借钱”，她哥哥对此事感到很愤怒。
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
一天，表妹四处寻找，最后竟然在冰箱里发现了扑满。
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
扑满里有张纸条：“亲爱的妹妹，我希望你能够理解，我的资产现在已被冻结。”
I Understand Him我懂他的话
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。
冰箱里的小兔子
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
一位女士打开冰箱门，发现一只兔子坐在其中的一层隔板上，就问它：“你在那里做什么?”
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
兔子回答：“这是Westinghouse对不对?”(Westinghouse，西屋电气公司)
The lady confirmed, "Yes."
女士确认道：“没错。”
"Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing."
兔子说：“那就对了，我就是要往西边去。”
Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?
兔子：你确信这瓶特制胡萝卜汁能治好我的病?
Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.
医生：当然咯，凡是喝过的兔子没有一只来要第二瓶的。
Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?
兔宝宝：妈咪，我是从哪儿来的'呢?
Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.
兔妈妈：等你长大点再告诉你。
Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.
兔宝宝：噢妈咪，现在就告诉我吧，求您了。
Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.
兔妈妈：如果你一定要知道，那我告诉你你是从魔术师的帽子里被拽出来的。
我们分享一切
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.
一对老夫妇在汉堡王餐厅吃饭，他们小心翼翼地将汉堡和薯条分成两份。
A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.
一个卡车司机非常同情他们，就提议想给老太太单独点一份。
"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."
“没关系的。”老先生说，“我们分享一切。”
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.
几分钟后，卡车司机注意到老太太还没动口吃一点东西。
"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.
他再次对老先生说，“我真的不介意请您妻子吃一顿……”
"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
“她会吃的，”老先生向他保证，“我们分享一切。”
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"
司机不太相信，恳求老太太，“你为什么不吃一点?”
The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。”
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