Thank you. (Applause.) Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I think Winston Churchill said the only reason people give a standing ovation is they desperately seek an excuse to shift their underwear. (Laughter.) So certainly before I’ve opened my mouth, that’s true. (Laughter.)
Anyway, President Salovey and faculty members, parents, siblings who came here under thefalse impression there would be free food (laughter); Handsome Dan, wherever you are,probably at some fire hydrant somewhere (laughter); members of the 2013 NCAA championmen’s ice hockey team (cheers and applause); distinguished guests and graduates,graduates of the Class of 2014, I really am privileged to be able to be here and share thecelebration of this day with you, especially 48 years after standing up right here as a veryintimidated senior wondering what I was going to say.
You are graduating today as the most diverse class in Yale’s long history. Or as they call it inthe NBA, Donald Sterling’s worst nightmare. (Laughter and applause.)
Nia and Josh: Thank you for such a generous introduction. What Josh didn’t mention is that heinterned for me at the State Department last summer. (Cheers and applause.) Well, hold on aminute now. (Laughter.) I learned that he’s not afraid to talk truth to power, or semi-truth. (Laughter.) On his last day he walked up to me at the State Department and he was brutallyhonest. He said, “Mr. Secretary, JE sucks.” (Laughter and cheers.)
No, actually, on the last day at the State Department, he asked if I would come here today anddeliver a message his classmates really needed to hear. So here it goes: Jarred Phillips, you stillowe Josh money from that road trip last fall. (Laughter and applause.)
I have to tell you, it is really fun for me to be back here on the Old Campus. I’m accompaniedby a classmate of mine. We were on the soccer team together. We had a lot of fun. He served asambassador to Italy recently, David Thorne. And my daughter Vanessa graduated in the Classof 1999, so I know what a proud moment this is for your parents. But my friends, the test willbe if they still feel this way next May if you live at home. (Laughter.)
Now, I’m really happy you made it back from Myrtle Beach. (Cheers and applause.) As if youhadn’t already logged enough keg time at “Woads”. (Cheers.) Just remember, just remember: 4.0 is a really good GPA, but it’s a lousy blood-alcohol level. (Laughter.)
I love the hats. We didn’t have the hats when I was here. I love the hats. They are outrageous.They’re spectacular. This may well be the only event that Pharrell could crash and gounnoticed. (Laughter and applause.)
I’ve been looking around. I’ve seen a couple of Red Sox, a few Red Sox hats out there. (Cheers.)I’ve also seen a few of those dreaded interlocking N’s and Y’s. (Cheers.) But that’s okay: I saiddiversity is important. (Laughter.) It’s also an easy way for me to tell who roots for theYankees and who’s graduating with distinction. (Laughter and cheers.)
So here’s the deal, here’s the deal: I went online and I learned in the Yale Daily comments thatI wasn’t everyone’s first choice to be up here. (Laughter.)
When Yale announced that I’d be speaking, someone actually wrote, “I hope they give outFive-Hour Energy to help everyone stay awake.” (Laughter.) Well don’t worry folks: I promisenot to be one minute over four hours. (Laughter.)
Someone else wrote I haven’t “screwed up badly as Secretary of State ... yet.” (Laughter.)Well, all I can say is, stay tuned. (Laughter.)