最新英语笑话 笑破你的肚子

最新英语笑话大全 笑破你的肚子

　　1、A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年，小伙子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.So he won't join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.

　　一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么?这样，他就不会去参军了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。

　　2、Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?

　　Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged . We just play to have fun.

　　Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?

　　丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔?

　　我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，丈夫推诿说。我们打球只是为了好玩而已。

　　莎拉毫不气馁，又问：那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢?

　　3、One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds ofthings and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaningof the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied,"look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen asfour then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, “there’s only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

　　4、一哥们出国住酒店的时候发现有老鼠，但是英文太烂不知道老鼠的英语怎么说，无奈之下打电话给前台说:"Do you know Tom and Jerry ?" "Yes sir." "Jerry is here!!!"

　　5、跟一个印度人聊天，他冷不丁地问我where is your balance?想了半天啥意思，平衡?存款?还是装逼网上文类似find you balance?想了半天答曰：sorry I don't know.他很惊诧得望着我。我不解。后来咨询高人，原来他在问我我父母在哪儿。。泥煤。。。

　　6、问印度人电话号码，66603629她说：sex sex sex,oh, free sex tonight.

　　7、Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

　　Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

　　Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

　　Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

　　老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了?

　　凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。

　　老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀?

　　凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

　　8、Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

　　Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

　　Teacher: Wrong.

　　Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

　　老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样?

　　马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。

　　老师：错了。

　　马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

　　9、One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn’t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What’s time to a pig?"

　　一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"

　　10、"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."

　　"Yours?Can you prove it?"

　　"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."

　　"请原谅，你占了我的位置."

　　"你的位置?你能征明这点吗?"

　　"能，我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."

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