笑死人英语笑话一：
Jack told his wife, Helen, that he wanted to spend his vacation where he had never been before.Helen said, “How about the kitchen?”
杰克对他的妻子海伦说，他想去以前从没到过的地方度假。海伦说：“去厨房怎么样?”
笑死人英语笑话二：
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.The little girl said, "Well, when I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."The teacher asked, sarcastically, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
笑死人英语笑话三：
A little boy bustled(喧闹，忙乱) into a grocery one day with a memorandum(便笺) in his hand.″Hello, Mr. Smith,″He said, ″I want thirteen pounds of coffee at 33 cents.″″Very good,″ said the grocer, and he noted down the sale.″Anything else, Charlie?″″Yes. Twenty-seven pounds of sugar at 9 cents.″″The loaf? And whatelse?″″Seven and a half pounds of bacon at 30 cents.″″That will be a good brand. Goon.″″Five pounds of tea at 90 cents, eleven and a half quarts of molasses at 8 cents a pint, two eight-pound hams at 31 cents, and five dozen jars of pickled walnuts(核桃)at 34 cents a jar.″The grocer made out the bill.″It's a big order,″ he said. ″Did your mother tell you to pay for it?″″My mother,″ said the boy, as he pocketed the neat and accurate bill, ″has nothing to do with this business. It is my arithmetic(算术) lesson and I had to get it done somehow.″
一天，一个小男孩匆匆忙忙地走进了一家杂货店，手里拿着一张清单。“史密斯先生，你好，”他说道：“3毛3分钱一磅的咖啡，请给我13磅。”“好的，”杂货店老板马上把这笔生意记了下来。“还要别的什么，查理?”“要的。再要27磅糖，9分钱一磅的。”“面包要不要?还要什么?”“7磅半咸肉，3毛钱一磅的。”“这肉是名牌的呢，还有呢?”“9毛钱一磅的茶叶，给我5磅，8分钱一品脱的糖浆要11夸脱半，3毛1分钱一磅的8磅的大火腿要两只，3毛4分钱一罐的腌核桃要5打。”杂货店老板把账单算了出来。“你买了很多东西，”他说：“你妈妈叫你现在把钱付清吗?”小男孩一面把那清楚准确的账单放进口袋，一面说：“这和我妈没关系，这是我自己的算术作业,我总得想办法把它做出来!”
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