英语笑话大全
笑话是一个汉语词汇，意思是引人发笑的话或事情。笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。下面小编为您带来英语笑话！
英语笑话 1
1、A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
小男孩问他的父亲：“爸爸，结婚要花多少钱?”
His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."
他的父亲回答说：“儿子，我不知道，因为我现在还在为它付账呢。”
2、Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"Im a bachelor."
杰克骑车摔伤，得住院治疗。一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填。仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的?"护士问. "有!"杰克想了想说，"我是个单身汉."
3、 Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
Husband:Its okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat meals.
妻子：你看这张报纸，据统计，死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的`。
丈夫：那有什么?据我调查，死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的。
4、"Excuse me,but the seat youve taken is mine."
"Yours?Can you prove it?"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."
"请原谅，你占了我的位置."
"你的位置?你能征明这点吗?"
"能，我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."
5、One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?"
Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"
一天，夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗?"
亚当无可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗?"
英语笑话 2
拍卖!
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long，the doorbell rang.”How much are you asking for the treesp"a young man asked.
我们决定卖掉我们的房子。于是，我们就在院前的大树上钉了两块牌子，上面写着:“拍卖。”没过多久，我们的门铃就响了。一位年轻人问:“你们的树想卖多少钱?”
三只乌龟
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.
三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。
Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“你回家去取伞吧。”
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you dont drink my offee."
最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
"We wont," the other two promised.
“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isnt coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的`咖啡喝掉了。”
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I wont go."
正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”
吝啬鬼的餐会
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧?”
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