英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子
笑话一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一种民间口头创作形式,在民间文化中以口口相传的形式传播。以下是小编给大家带来的英语笑话笑破你的肚子，希望大家喜欢。
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 1
Exchange the Tortoise for the Wolf
Teacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?
Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.
Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare wont fall asleep?
Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.
把乌龟换成狼
老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。小明，你说说看，兔子为什么输给乌龟?
小明：因为它睡觉了。
老师：对极了!我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢?
小明：把乌龟换成狼!
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 2
能帮我重启网络吗?
Computer help desks are used to fielding oddball requests but sometimes the questions leave even the best of them stumped.
Such as: "Why isnt my wireless mouse connected to the computer?"
Or: "Can you reset the Internet for me?"
Then there was the questioner who asked: "Where can I get software to track UFOs?"
Robert Half Technology, a provider of information technology professionals based in Menlo Park, California, asked 1,400 chief information officers from companies across the United States to come up with the most baffling questions their help desks or technical support teams had ever received. Among the more unusual were:
-- "My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the any key?"
-- "Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?"
-- "My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?"
-- "Can you tell me the weather forecast for next year?"
-- "Can you install cable TV on my PC?"
Then there was the computer user who confused the CD-ROM drive with a drink holder and asked: "How do I get my computers coffee-cup holder to come out again?"
Katherine Spencer Lee, executive director of Robert Half Technology, said such queries were a test of the skills of the help and technical support desks.
"These unusual requests highlight the need for technical support personnel to also demonstrate patience, empathy and a sense of humor," she said.
帮用户解决电脑问题是电脑技术支持的主要职责，但有时用户提的问题甚至把IT精英们都给难倒了。
比如：“为什么我的.无线鼠标没连在电脑上?”
再如：“能帮我重启一下网络吗?”
还有人会问：“在哪能下载追踪UFO的软件?”
总部位于加州门罗园的“罗伯特1/2”IT咨询公司日前对美国各地的1400位公司IT主管进行了一项调查，让他们列出公司的技术咨询或支持部门所遇到的“最难回答”的问题。其中包括：
“电脑提示：请按任意键继续。这个任意键在哪?”
“你能将键盘按字母顺序重排吗?”
“我女儿被锁在浴室了，你能开锁吗?”
“能不能帮我查查明年的天气预报?”
“能帮我在电脑上安装有线电视吗?”
还有一位用户将光盘驱动器(CD-ROM)与一种杯架混淆了，问曰：“怎么把电脑上的咖啡杯架弄出来?”
“罗伯特1/2”IT咨询公司的执行官凯瑟琳斯宾塞李说，这些问题对于技术人员来说的确是个考验。
她说：“技术人员在解答这些问题时，一定要有耐心，要理解用户，还要有些幽默感。”
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 3
Fresh Richer
A fresh richer is purchasing coffin in the store for the death.A person asks him：“Which one is better?”He says：“Of course the zinc1)-filled is more durable2)，but the wooden is helpful to the health.”
新 贵
一个新贵在墓葬品商店选购他死时要用的'棺材，有人问他：“最好买哪一种?”他说：“镀锌的棺材当然比较耐用，但木制棺材有益于健康。”
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 4
The reds or the greens?
Two apples up in a tree were looking down on the world.The first apple said，“Look at all those people fighting，robbing，rioting --no one seems willing to get along with his fellow man.Some day we apples will be the only ones left.Then well rule the world.”Replied the second apple，“Which of us --the reds or the greens?”
红的还是绿的'?
树上的两只苹果俯瞰着世界。第一只苹果说：“瞧瞧这些人吧，争斗、抢劫、骚乱——似乎就没有人愿意与别的人好好相处。总有一天，我们苹果就会成为世上惟一的幸存者。到那时我们就将统治世界。”第二只苹果回答说：“我们中的哪些呢——红的还是绿的?”
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 5
解决难题
Some friends and I stopped at an ice-cream parlor.where I asked for my favorite，a hot-fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream. But when the waitress brought our orders，I saw that mine had vanilla ice cream. " I ordered chocolate,"I pointed out.
我和一位朋友来到一家冰淇琳店。我要了一个我最喜欢吃的巧克力奶油圣代。当女招待送来我的冰淇淋时，我发现我的'冰淇沐是香草的。我说:“我要的是巧克力的。”
The young woman consulted her order pad and responded，"So you did. Ill take it back and get chocolate."
那位年轻的女士查了一下订单回答说:“你确实要的是巧克力的。我把它拿回去，再给你拿一个巧克力的。”
“Never mind，”I said.”I dont like to see anything wasted."
“没关系，”我说:“我不想浪费东西。”
"Nothing is wasted around here!"she insisted.“We eat our mistakes. "
“这儿什么也浪费不了，”女招待坚持说:“我们吃掉自己的错误。”
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 6
吝啬鬼的餐会
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一个声名狼藉的`小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧?”
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 7
A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard． They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy． For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking． Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father？ It isnt very nice， is it？” “No， it isnt very nice， but its very useful，Tom，”answered his father．“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep．” Tom thought about this for a few seconds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father？”
一个小男孩和他的父亲正在乡间行走，突然下起了大雨。 他们没带伞，加上四下无处可以躲雨，所以很快他们浑身上下被淋湿了，小男孩感到很不好受。 他们在雨中朝家走去，有好一会儿，那个男孩一直在思索着什么。后来终于他朝父亲转过脸去，问他说：“爸爸，为什么天会下雨呢？下雨可不太好，是吧？” “是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，汤姆。”父亲回答说。“老天爷下雨促使了为我们所食用的水果和蔬菜的`生长，同样也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生长。” 汤姆对父亲的这番话想了一会，然后说：“那么，父亲，老天爷为什么还要把雨下在路上呢？”
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 8
不必再看眼科医生了
It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去见医生的前一天，我的'情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.
"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."
她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 9
An absent-minded husband.
心不在焉的丈夫
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的笔记本电脑。到了机场出口处时， 有位检查员要他打开包。但是包锁上了，机场工作人员耐心地等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的.密码。最后他终于想起来了。
“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.
”你为什么那么紧张呢？“我问他。
"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.
“密码是我们的结婚纪念日。”他承认道”
你太晚了 You are too late 幽默笑话
英语笑话笑破你的肚子 10
An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"
一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”
"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."
“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。” 店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”
"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."
“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”
英语笑话笑破你的.肚子 11
The Umbrella
A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall, but he had put on the handle a card on which was written: "This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds. I shall be back in ten minutes." When he came back, he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was written,"This card belongs to a man who can run tenmiles an hour. I shall not come back."
雨伞
一位住在旅馆的绅士把他的雨伞放在了大厅里，不过他在伞柄上系了一张卡片，上面写道，“此伞属于一位能举百磅的'绅士。我将在十分钟内回来。当他回来时，发现雨伞已经不翼而飞，取而代之的是另一张卡片，上面写着：“此卡是一位一小时能跑十英里的人留下的，我将永远不回来了。”
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