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逗你一笑的英语笑话
导语：爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，那么你喜欢笑么?这里小编收集整理了逗你一笑的英语笑话，一起来看看吧!说不定能点中你的笑穴哦!
1、father: oh, jack, you have slept away the whole morning. don't you know you are wasting time?
父亲：噢，杰克，你又睡了一上午。难道你不知道你这是在浪费时间吗?
jack: yes, dad. but i've saved you a meal, haven' i?
杰克：我知道，爸爸。可我还给您节省了一顿饭呢，是不是?
2、a little boy asked his father, "daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
一个小男孩问他的父亲，“爸爸，要花多少钱才能结婚呢?”
and the father replied, "i don't know, son, i'm still paying."
“我也不知道，我现在还在交钱。”父亲回答。
3、after friends of mine landed at busy newwark airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. in desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.
我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后，他们却不能招呼到脚夫来帮他们搬行李。无奈，丈夫拿出一张五美元的钞票在人群上面摇晃。
in an instant, a skycap was at his side. sir, observed the porter, you certainly have excellent communication skills.
一个带宽边帽的人马上来到他身边。“先生，”脚夫说道，“很明显你有绝妙的交际技巧。”
4、a very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. he had never seen them before,so he began:my name is stone, and i'm even harder than stone,so do what i tell you or there'll be trouble. don't try any tricks with me, and then we'll get on well together
有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵，于是他开始自我介绍：我的名字叫stone(石头)，事实上，我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招，这样我们就能很好相处了。
then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name. speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly, he said, and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。说大声点，让每个人都能听清楚。另外，不要忘记称呼我为长官。他说。
5、applying for my first job, i realized i had to be creative in listing my few qualifications(资格证书，职位要求) . asked about additional schooling and training, i answered truthfully that i had spent three years in computer programming classes. i got the job.
第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。
i had neglected to mention that i took the same course for three years before i passed.
我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。
6、my father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. at a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.
我爸比我妈大14岁，最近一直在写遗嘱。一次家宴上，他告诉我们说他为母亲以后的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的话，家里的房子将归我们五个孩子所有。
"i don't want another s.o.b. toasting his shins(小腿骨) around my fireplace," he explained.
“我可不愿意另外哪个狗娘养的在我的火炉旁烤他的狗腿，”他解释道。
with a sly grin, mother cracked, "what makes you think i'd marry another s.o.b?"
妈妈狡猾地咧了咧嘴，讥诮道：“你怎么认为我会再嫁给一个狗娘养的?”
7、three competing store owners rented adjoining(毗连的) shops in a mall. observers waited for mayhem(故意的伤害罪，蓄意的破坏) to ensue.
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺，旁观者等着瞧好戏。
the retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, gigantic sale! and super bargains!
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：大减价!特便宜!
the store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, prices slashed! and fantastic discounts!
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!
the owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, entrance.
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：入口处。
8、a man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. a friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. the weeping one said, the doctor has just told me i'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.
一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。那人哭着说：刚才医生告诉我，在我的余生里都要吃这些药片。
cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.
他的朋友很轻松地指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。当然，男人回答说：但是他只给了我十片。
9、a teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. she started her class by saying, "everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
little johnny then stood up.
小约翰尼站了起来。
the teacher said, "do you think you're stupid, johnny?"
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。
"no, ma'am, but i hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
10、a lady lost her handbag. it was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. looking in her purse, she commented, "hmmm.... that's funny. when i lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. now there are twenty $1 bills."
一个女人丢了手提包，有一个诚实的小孩捡到后交还给了她。她看了看钱包，说：“嗯，这么有趣，我丢的时候里面是一张20美元，现在成了20张一美元。”
the boy quickly replied, "that's right, lady. the last time i found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
“没错，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我捡到钱包时，那位夫人没有零钱奖赏给我。”
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