简单英语搞笑笑话

时间：2020-10-25 19:24:01 英语笑话我要投稿

简单英语搞笑笑话

　　会讲笑话的人都是有幽默感的`人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁症的可能性就大为减少，接下来一起来看看简单英语搞笑笑话，看看你的幽默指数吧!

简单英语搞笑笑话

　　简单英语搞笑笑话篇一：A Drunken Night

　　A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor, opening his eyes he sees Claudia Schiffer on the bed next to him. He thinks this is a little odd, as he doesn't remember a thing, let alone going to bed with her.

　　He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge, puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 Million.

　　This is just a little too much for the guy who thinks he is losing his mind. He wonders if he is hallucinating, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan and dangling from the tree is an open noose, empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting.

　　Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around.

　　In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well.

　　He asks the leprechaun what is going on.

　　"Well," says the leprechaun, "I was drunk last night as well, and as I was crossing the road, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me."

　　"Well, I can guess the first one" says the guy, "Supermodel, bed, yeah I got that one. What about the other two?"

　　"The money in the fridge?" says the leprechaun, "You asked for a cool million."

　　"And them out there?" asks the guy,

　　"You said you wanted to be hung like a black man."

　　简单英语搞笑笑话篇二：Jimmy's Not Stupid

　　Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.

　　Little Jimmy stood up, alone.

　　Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?"

　　"No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."

　　简单英语搞笑笑话篇三：The Woman Is On Fire

　　A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.

　　But it also lit up her arm, too!

　　Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

　　A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

　　When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

　　简单英语搞笑笑话篇四：True Love

　　A husband and wife went to dinner and celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Afterwards they returned home and went to their patio to relax with a glass of wine and to reflect on their fifty years together.

　　After a while the husband said to his wife: Honey in all the years together, was there ever a time when you were unfaithful to me?

　　The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one time early in our marriage. Remember when you had lost your job and the bank was going to foreclose on the house. I made a trip to town, saw the banker and we got the loan extended until you returned to work.

　　The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved our home; I guess I can’t really hold it against you for being unfaithful that one time. Was there ever another time?

　　The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one other time. Remember when you had gotten sick and needed an operation or you would die, but we didn’t have any insurance. I made a trip to town, saw the doctor and you got the operation..

　　The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved my life; I guess I can’t really hold it against you for being unfaithful that time either. Was there another time?

　　The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Well there was just one other time. Remember when you were running for club president and you only needed 58 more votes………..

　　简单英语搞笑笑话篇五：Can't Cook

　　A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives.

　　The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying. So the husband inquires, "What's wrong, Honey?"

　　"Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast, but I can't cook or clean." The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, "There, there sweetie! I don't care that you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast." So off they went to the bedroom.

　　That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now, Sweetie?" "Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook." Again the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!" So off they went to the bedroom again.

　　That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bridenaked sliding down the banister of the stairs. Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister. After the third trip the husband asks, "What are you doing, Honey?" "Warming up your supper!" she replies.

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